Recent Comments

8/31/20, 11:53 AM
Because this is such a plain vanilla hypnosis story, you need to add some elements that will give it more of an original flavor. Adding more backstory to the characters will help. What are their personalities? Why does William have the impulse to turn his old friends into a "slave army"? Right now, I can see how the story would be very hot for an author who's identifying with William and picturing some of his own man-crushes being controlled by William. But because the characters are so thinly drawn, the story's not really conveying that excitement to other readers. Spending more time on the hypnotic induction and Logan's responses might also help. Maybe you could introduce some actual narrative tension by having Logan resist some of the hypnotic commands, so that William has to figure out how to convince him to obey. Finally, make sure to proofread your work or use Discord to ask for a proofreader. There were a lot of spelling mistakes, missing words, etc. I hope you take all this criticism in the constructive manner it was intended and keep on writing!
Aug 31, 2020
8/31/20, 11:51 AM
Nice one, hoping it might continue
8/31/20, 11:02 AM
Sehr geile Story - die darf auch gerne weitergehen!
8/31/20, 8:54 AM
I wasn't a big fan of Trent in the beginning, but I came around to rooting for him here--I think I would have been disappointed if this one ended on a darker note. Great series!
Ozark
8/31/20, 8:38 AM
i waited so long for this, very hot
8/31/20, 8:21 AM
so i absolutely love this story! its very hot and plays with the dumbing down idea is SUCH A GREAT way. i find myself wishing it were me as i touch myself getting lost in this story. I cant wait to see how it ends up!
8/31/20, 7:21 AM
Interesting premise for a story and I'd like to join in but was wondering if there are any rules for this universe?
8/31/20, 7:19 AM
Hope you finish this story and the other! They're sooo good
8/31/20, 7:03 AM
I'm not into ponyboys or pup play or mohawks, and yet I still loved this story! You did a great job of immersing us in the world of these deeply brainwashed frat bros. I especially loved the bit with the "bro-bots" and the later scene where Brody struggles to recall his pre-brainwashing memories.
8/31/20, 5:02 AM
This chapter was the hottest! I blew so many loads I lost count. You are a terrific writer and I will definitely be reading all of your stories here. Thanks!