Recent Comments

5/4/20, 6:49 PM
This is a great story so far! Love the brainwashing of the two athletes to act out a typical Batman and Robin scenario. Hope there's lots more to come!
Hunter_C_Wolfe@Hotmail.Com
5/4/20, 6:15 PM
This puppy would have been down on all fours sniffing his crotch!
5/4/20, 5:47 PM
excellent start! can't wait to see what happens.
Anonymous
5/4/20, 5:43 PM
I'm hard!!!
5/4/20, 5:33 PM
Wow! I don't recall many stories where the retribution feels so good to read. It's nice to know that some stories on here fulfill that sense. Thank you!
5/4/20, 5:22 PM
id love more details of sex, and describing how the bodies look and such.
5/4/20, 5:14 PM
Definitely like what you did with this chapter and the change in commands makes the story more engrossing. The problem with this chapter is it's a bit short for the amount of time that the class takes place. The class is a seminar style one, 3 hours long, but reading through this makes it seem like it's only a half-hour long. It's the first day so they might not use the full three hours, but it did seem to be rushed. The professor could have played with the students a bit more, taken his time making them aware of the triggers and the effects. Time didn't need to drag on, but definitely the pace needed to be slowed down more than it was.
5/4/20, 4:58 PM
You writing about me bro?
5/4/20, 4:43 PM
OK! This is meant to be a constructive critique based on my point of view. Therefore, it's completely going to be subjective and intended to be potentially helpful. I think it's overall well written. Grammar, and structure seem alright. I think the story could benefit from a slower pacing and a more realistic approach. A slower pacing let's the reader anticipate what's to come after the introduction, savor the scenario during the confrontation, and feel satisfied (and sometimes begging for more) during the resolution. By "a more realistic approach" I mean to create a world that's conceivable by the readers. It's easier to believe that out of four men one might be gay while another might be curious, than having three straight acting men, with a story of previous girlfriends, having secretly been a transgender, a bisexual in love with his best friend, and a submissive cock-worshiper. Maybe with a story where the reader doesn't know the character, or a story where the setup is long enough to lead to this conclusions one could feel it makes sense. Another option could be settling for one of those three secrets and leaving the other two revealing something more consistent with who we know they are. But, like I said, these are just my thoughts and as such they're quite subjective. I encourage you to explore the many resources out there for storytelling. In the end, it's all a learning process. Thanks for sharing your story!
Anonymous
5/4/20, 4:26 PM
so hot bro!!!